drizzy is my all

i think im ready to go home….i thought i got how things worked here but i was wrong…i wanna go back to what is comfortable for me..i wanna see all the people that care about me..IM TIRED of sitting around here and waiting for something exciting to happen….CUZ ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN….i miss being able to be myself and not have to worry about how its viewed….i miss waking up in my room and wondering who i was gonna invite over to hang out or who was gonna hang out with me somewhere…im ready for a warm meal and for a real date…i wanna meet a guy that i can potentially marry and he would make sure that no one would hurt me with words,with stares, with negative energy, nor physically….i mean yea i met this great guy here in PR but its not the same..idk how the hell imma stay in touch with him(in person-wise) cuz facebook and twitter and tumblr aint gonna cut it for me…maybe im meant to be single forever but hey IM OK with that..i guess i really woudnt have a choice…..i miss being able to drive to and from work..YES I KNO I SAID I MISS WORK WTF AM I THINKING..but its true:(….I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK and no one here is making it easy being away from it:(

its official i hit rock bottom…..im once again a disgrace to him….GREAT..havent slept in more then 24hours…..im so depressed that even the most depressed notice it..sad huh?…thought about recutting myself this morning too bad the blade wouldnt work…..owell today is a day where i dnt want nothing to do with anyone..

watching a movie alone with you scares me….i am very capable of getting more carried away then i should…i leave in five weeks and im already diggin u more then i should…i dnt want to leave end end up missing u more then i should..yes i like u alot and yes i can see myself pursuing you but idk if i can handle a long distance relationship…my grandma always told me AMOR DE LEJOS ES DE PENDEJOS and she is right since idk if while im gone ull start liking some other girl and im non-existant….so if you think im being a bitch im not BOOSKI im just trying to not fall for u as hard as im capable of…..u make it that easy..but hey i guess thats what haitian/boricua culture does to you

watching this movie makes me wanna have a summer fling….but fuck that i want an actual relationship….i want a man that can make me happy and i want someone who loves me and doesn’t want me for just my cookies…..and to be honest i think he might just be in PUERTO Rico………..

been here since january and its already mid april…..iM so ready to go home…yea im havin quite an experience but ive honestly had enough..i miss alot of things..i miss sex, i miss my friends, i miss my family, but beyond anything i miss my too boys….Ive gone to realize many things about myself since ive been gone starters that its almost impossible to get corey out of my head let alone my heart..he has been my everything since i was fourteen and im almost twenty-one….i mean yea there has been other guys in between the years but at the end of the day he is stuck in me and i cant do anything about it anymore……at this point if i cant have him then my other baby is cody… since high school he seems to also always stick to me..no matter how mad i get at him i always drop it and text him and fall over heals for him again…..but he joined the army and now seeing him is VERY limited….and now i just found out corey is joining the army and i honestly cried a little…i cant have my two favorite guys in the army…..my heart hurts now..idk what to do…….i need to get home and see them both and then i will realize who is truly the one i want….on a different note….im quittin smokin for good now…i cant keep wasting my money on shyt like that especially when im on a budget…on a really good note..I HAVE TICKETS TO THE DRAKE AND JCOLE CONCERT..omgsh i cant wait for it

Sometimes I get in one of those moods where I fall back into a depression..I had finally gotten out of it when I got to puerto Rico but now Im back in it and this time I can’t get out of it well not as easy as it was before…this time this depression isherw to stay for sometime..I just want to be happy all I want is to be at a place where I can just say fuck negativity hello positivity..but I can’t..I’ve been in puerto Rico since January 19/20 and it’s already march and I’ve only attracted the wrong kind of men…or women lol….Ive been gettin the short end of the stick since forever..when the fuck will I get the long end..when will the grass be greener on my side..I keep wondering if im this way since I haven’t had sex since December but that shouldn’t even be it..it wasn’t even passionate sex it was casual sex…well casual to him I actually love the nigga but he don’t get that and at this point he never will..and I need to understand that..I want a nigga to see me and be like “that’s the mother of my kids” not someone who sees me as a side hoe or a main bitch….I think that’s why I do why I do and why I am how I am…cuz I’m not happy nor where I wannabe

life hands one many opportunities..its just a matter of taking advantage of them…i can finally say i have…finally living my dream as a college students in la isla de encanto:) not many can say what i can….it has been my dream to come here and im finally here…what now though..i have many dreams and many things that i wish to do before i decide to get married..well first i need a guy lol….but anyways ive been doin what i can to make sure things happen